Vertebrate Biology - Dr. Mason
“they go drive and Thump, thump, hitting kangaroos right and left, they have their bars on the front of their vehicles so they don’t wreck their vehicles”
“but if you spent all day eating eucalyptus leaves all day you’d be grouchy too”
“POSSUMS! Go look in your trash cans tonight, there is probably a possum in there. That’s what their habitats are now those poor little buggers.”
“one persons poison is anothers chanel number 5”
“You remember with the salamanders slapping the females face? Its like the bad internet porn”
“Do birds have sweat glands? Do chickens have lips? I threw that one in just for the heck of it.”
“my daughter is as smart as a raccoon. They came up with all these wacky tests and they try to prove that young children are as smart as raccoons”
“when I run up to my office I get a cramp, yu guys have to run to Albany to get a cramp….excersize is bad for you”
“ you know its like one of our previous presidents said nuCLEAR, it is not nuCLEAR its nucleAR! And he’s the one with his finger on the big button!”
“you almost never hear of the gliders having accidents, not like those people who strap lawnmowers to the back of the gliders”
“I wish there was more males in the house besides me and the cat and maybe I would win some of these arguments….but guys we are degenerate, you’ll just have to live with that, of course women already knew that”
“I’m just kidding about the punching, girls like to pull hair”
“That takes 14 books of dinosaur biology and condenses it into less than 5 minutes”
“its good luck when a bird craps on you!....I’m going to use that with my kids”
“I can’t use a bar of ivory soap on my head because as you can see my hair is beautiful”
“I tell my wife why don’t you just use a bar of ivory soap and scrub your head, but she insists on getting these exotic shampoos”
“you can’t get it out of the shell so its like they have a glad bag attached to their butt…I would like to attach a glad bag to my daughter’s butt, then I would only have to change it every month”-on the allantois in amniotic eggs
“We still have lemon meringue pies?...I thought we were all down to twinkies and scooter pies…”
“I’m trying to make this a full service class…explaining the mysteries of life”
“no one likes to admit this but being biologists we can look into our pants and see there is a difference”
“I’m going to explain one of the mysteries of life….so the boys go to the doctor and he STICKS his fingers up your scrotum and says turn your head and cough and you are like *weak cough*”
“its not like those people on that Jersey show is it? God my wife made me watch that and it made me feel ill. It made me worried about how our civilization will turn out”
“oh but she likes that guy, he has good bubbles”
“if there were salamander Olympics, these guys would be playing tiddly-winks or something” –on plethodontid salamanders
“That would be a good final question, hint hint….has anyone taken English classes? Whats that word called….foreshadowing”
“ You know its like in those magazines at the store with those shrunken heads and Elvis living on the dark side of the moon…”
“which doctors do the females go to? The gynecologist, you know the doctors that understand the miles of pipes that no one understands”
Comparative Anatomy - Dr. Warrick
“think hard!!.....TAIL SWIPE” (on the stegosaur brain patterns)
“in Jurassic park, the last one, they basically had the velacoraptors doing differential equations”
“ I love this diagram, its absolutely useless”
"Feeling a bit like Moses, I'm leading you to Nash 204 for class tomorrow. That's west of Cordley; turn left at the Red Sea, which will be parted. There will be manna." (via email)
Invertebrate Biology - Dr. Weis
“can you really hunt something when you’re radially symmetrical? Apparently!”
“hey guys, we have no brains, but lets talk!”
“nothing is magical anymore, you can find everything on youtube”
“hey dude you’re in my same phylum, but different class”
“zooids mean animal thingy”
“if you come after me, I’ll kill you!”
“they are brainless wonders!”
“the whole avatar things is totally ripped off from my class”
Green Porno – Isabella Rosellini......watch it and you'll understand why I put this here
“they had just molted and were very vulnerable to predation… and being thrown into batter and deep fried”
I love being a science major....
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